I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
did you just send me my own nude
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
