there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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