and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
