I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
