I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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