Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize