I just saw a hot homeless man
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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