I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
