I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
