He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize