It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
