I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
