when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
