dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
