It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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