At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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