Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
