Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
