And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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