I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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