In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
