theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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