Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
