glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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