my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
