Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
