Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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