She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
