I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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