I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
