Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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