That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
