I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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