oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
