Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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