ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
