The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize