I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
