so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize