She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
