Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize