I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
