please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
