420 ftw
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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