apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
