Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
