I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
