he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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