I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
