i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize