dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
