I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
