I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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