Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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