i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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