If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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