I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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