WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
