It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
