true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
