..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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