whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
