she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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