I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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