i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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