Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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