I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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