Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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