yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
