I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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