It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
