There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
