dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
