well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
