I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
