We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
