I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
nutella sex= disaster
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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