Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
