What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
