i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize