At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So many bounce houses so little time
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Boobs speak an international language.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
