Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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