you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
