Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
