and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize