GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
