If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
