Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
