Girls should come with a carfax report
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
