I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize