could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize