i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
