I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
