No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
