We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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