I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
