Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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