Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
