I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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