i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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