I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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