OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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