He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize