Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
