it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
