Already got asked if we're dating
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
