I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
