I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
