Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
