Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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