I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
