I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
